We determine how people view us by the way we present ourselves.
So many people today say they do not care what people think of them so they dress and act any way they feel it is okay at the time. The way a person dresses and behaves determines how others view them. Are you one of those who does not dress to impress? I have never been one of those people. We should not dress to please others.
But one thing that I have learned is that people do judge us from the impression that they get of us at our very first meeting. How many times have you met someone for the first time and have decided as to whether or not you would like to have a relationship with them? That is why the first meeting is the most important. It shapes our future with that person.
Factors That Affect How People View Us
- Dress
- Language
- Behavior
- People Around Us
- Family Expectations
Dress
Imagine these. What is your impression of a girl who wears sheer clothes that you can see her underwear? What about a guy wearing his jeans sagging so that you can see his underwear? How about a man or woman in a suit? Or even someone wearing jeans and a cowboy hat?
We do not necessarily have to dress to please others. We need to dress to be comfortable and show who we are. But we also need to consider what is appropriate for the situation or what is acceptable to the people we will be with. In other words, you would not wear a business suit to a rodeo to fit in.
In other words, a person may be comfortable in sagging jeans and want to present that image, but going to a prom in those clothes would not be considered appropriate. So we would need to find an outfit that would fit in or decide not to go.
So what is your style and what image do you want to present? Do you want to fit in with the dress code that is expected? It is your choice, but you must remember that your choices will affect your relationships now and in the future.
For example, I remember inviting my granddaughters to go with me to a local fashion show that was a fundraiser. It was to show off the latest fashions. When they came over they had on frayed jeans and t-shirts. So we went shopping. I preferred that they dress in something more appropriate. They are both very pretty girls so why not enhance their beauty. I let them pick out one nice dress each. We went to the show. They were so proud and so was I because several people approached them saying how pretty they were. What kind of response would they have gotten if they had worn the jeans and t-shirts when everyone else was dressed nice? Their first impression was good.
Language
Have you ever been around someone who cussed a lot? How did it make you feel? When I worked in the oilfield and around soldiers, I knew that they cussed when they were around each other. But because I did not use that kind of language around them, I expected them to do the same. The difference was that the oilfield workers had to be told not to use that language around me; whereas, the soldiers did not use it around me when they knew I was there. What did that show me? The soldiers showed me respect which made me feel good. So did I enjoy being around the soldiers more than the oilfield workers? Yes.
Behavior
I worked in the high schools and special education for 15 years. What I noticed was that some children were very respectful and some weren’t. I know that we have all experienced this. But what I want to ask you is how does another person’s behavior affect your opinion of them? Think about it.
There were times that I’d have my arms full of books and could not open the door. The students would just stand there, offer no help, and watch me struggle to get the door open. I should not expect them to do it. But what is my opinion of them after that? Actually, what is my opinion of their parents?
If a student helped me, they had earned my respect. So if they needed help in the future, wouldn’t I be more likely to help them over the others? Why? Because when they showed respect, they also earned my respect. It’s that simple.
No matter what group we belong to, there are expectations. To fit in, we must adjust to those. But it still is our choice.
People Around Us
If our dress, language, and behavior give a certain first impression to others, do the people we go around with affect what people think of us? As the old saying goes, “You’re judged by the company that you keep.” It is so true.
Think about it. If your friends are all rednecks, you are going to dress and act like one as well. So people will consider you a redneck as well. If that’s the image want to present, then go for it. Just be true to yourself. No matter what group I fit in with, I always stayed true to my values and standards. But also, there were some groups that I did not associate with.
Not only do the people we are around affect how we impress others, but so do our children. I was in a restaurant one day for lunch. All of a sudden, this little 3-year-old boy was standing on the table next to me screaming, giving gang signs, and hitting his mom. What do you think my impression of him and his mom was? I will tell you. It was not good. So would I want her to be around me and my children after that? I don’t think so. Our children are a reflection of us.
Family Expectations
There has to be “family” not “individual” rules. I have worked with more than one family that have come in not knowing what to do because their daughter was dressing and acting out sexually. They stated that they had not raised her that way. So we started exploring the family dynamics. Many times we have discovered that there is also an adult child living in the house who is allowed to have their significant other stay overnight and have sex. So it is okay for one child to have sex, but not the other one? Family rules need to apply to the whole family, not just certain ones. They also need to be enforced consistently.
Conclusion
Showing respect earns a person’s respect. Respect is earned, not given or demanded. Think about it. How do these five areas affect how we feel about ourselves and others? How do they affect how others view us?
What it comes down to is that people make choices in each of these areas. It is up to each of us. We all do it. We change to fit in. If we don’t, we won’t. You can be an individual while conforming to the standards of the group. I was a prime example in high school and college.
I remember dating cowboys who took me to rodeos and country dances, so I dressed Western. I dated a surfer who had a band, so I dressed like a go-go girl. I dated a hippy who loved to dance rock and roll, so I dressed in psychedelic-type clothes. I dated a college football player, so I dressed in student-like attire. Each time I changed the way I dressed and acted, I was still true to myself and fit in with the crowd. Each time I dressed, talked, and behaved so that I earned the respect that I felt I deserved.
Treat others the way you want to be treated. No matter what people try to say in our society, there are standards according to the group you would like to be part of. If you want to be a professional, then act like one. If you want to be a gang member, then do the same as they do. It’s all up to you. It is ultimately your choice. But remember, you cannot look, talk, or behave like a gang member or hang with gangs and expect to be treated like a professional or vice versa. The most important point is to be true to yourself and role-model the same to your children.
What kind of first impression do you or want your children to make? It’s up to you. Choices made today affect MANY tomorrows.